A Full Heart

The beginning of this new blog started with my questioning of the purpose of this summer. The fact that I felt lost in my quest for understanding amidst my ministry and job. And yet here I am again, stupefied by the plan that I never could have conceived of and was too much in my human element to pay attention to. Instead the greater plan, His plan showed me up, humbled me, and put my heart at ease, much more then when I tried to on my own. So here I am bowing my head with a humbled but full heart. Full of ease, patience, and love for God and the path that he paved for me. Just when I thought that this summer had no purpose, the surprise came in a very happily received gift.

In second Corinthians 5 there is a passage about the ministry of reconciliation. Being reconciled to God, which leads to reconciliation among brothers and sisters. So what was my gift? Just that, reconciliation. In Jimmy's sermon today he stated that there is a difference between reconciliation and forgiveness, that they're not the same. I realized that although I can forgive people, its the reconciliation that I can't seem to do. Whether I'm in the right or not, I seem to feel that I'd rather take it and deal with it all myself, instead of letting both parties take responsibility. I like to bottle my emotions and personally try to figure them out rather then let anyone help me. And what the purpose of this summer was, was to let God show to me that reconciliation, and in some sense confrontation, is meant to be a two way street. Of course it makes it harder, more awkward, and has to be more vulnerable, but its the only way that true reconciliation occurs. Haha you'd think that I'd understood that already, but hey I guess I'm pretty dense. =)

So 3 confrontations, 3 talks, 3 perfectly timed moments from God, and 3 rebuilt relationships. Jesus didn't just die to save me, among the many things his death did was also create the bridge so that all believers had a way to reconcile with each other. And let me tell you, that sacrifice makes all the difference. People wonder what makes the bond of Christ so special, and its the message of reconciliation. Heavenly grace extended that lets human grace take place.

So this summer wasn't at all what I thought it was supposed to be about. Though in some ways I did do and learn a lot of what I thought I would of course, but its this moment, that the tapestry weaves an intricate design that is complete. The design shows that I am not meant to be as independent as I always think I am. It shows that I am not supposed to deal with my emotions all alone, that fellowship is far more important than I thought it was.

And so my heart is full. Today was the cherry on top, a delightful sunrise after months of stormy weather. All I can do is continue to praise God that his ways are not mine, and that his plan is not mine either. And so I say all this with a happy mind, peaceful soul, and a heart that is bursting, that GOD is GOOD.