Good Morning Dear Brother!

Bus, Bible, Black guy.

I meant to write this a while ago, but now I can't exactly remember what happened. But since its happened more than once, I'd like to remind future self that God is always awake, you just have to be on the lookout.

Waiting

This was taken from CK's blog, but I really liked it. =)

From Daily Bread - November 7, 2008.

Make haste to help me, O Lord!” the psalmist David prayed (Ps. 70:1). Like him, we don’t like to wait. We dislike the long lines at super-market checkout counters, and the traffic jams downtown and around shopping malls. We hate to wait at the bank or at a restaurant.

And then there are the harder waits: a childless couple waiting for a child; a single person waiting for marriage; an addict waiting for deliverance; a spouse waiting for a kind and gentle word; a worried patient waiting for a diagnosis from a doctor.

What we wait for, however, is far less important than what God is doing while we wait. In such times He works in us to develop those hard-to-achieve spiritual virtues of meekness, kindness, and patience with others. But more important, we learn to lean on God alone and to “rejoice and be glad” in Him (v.4).

F. B. Meyer said, “What a chapter might be written of God’s delays! It is the mystery of the art of educating human spirits to the finest temper of which they are capable. What searchings of heart, what analyzings of motives, what testings of the Word of God, what upliftings of soul. . . . All these are associated with those weary days of waiting, which are, nevertheless, big with spiritual destiny.”  — David H. Roper

Memories

Memories.

I read an article for one of my classes this year in which it talks about how we constantly turn back to our memories, to our past. It discusses the affect which the past has upon us, and that we are then shaped by the memories we have, and whether or not we can move forward from them or remain so intrenched in them that we cannot get out of them.

These past couple of months have been a trip down memory lane. In every way possible I have been afflicted through the meanings and the moments that have affected myself to the core of my being. The influences of people, the heartbreaks, the lows and the highs, and the peaceful existence of my soul so covered by the love of a Savior. Many of the memories are as vivid as yesterday afternoon, a song that repeats itself over and over.

Reflections.

Thinking about these memories lead to reflections of where I've been and how far I've come. Specifically with my relationships, I look at how much I have learned, how hard the struggles have been, and how much redemption God puts into my life, and my heart. Forgiveness, reconciliation, and trust. Perhaps the biggest themes of the last months. Oh and peace. Peace beyond words, beyond wisdom and understanding. Not that there aren't moments when the sea does rise, but instead of swimming I'm floating on top, cruising along untouched by the tide.

I was looking at some pictures of a past memory today, and it made me smile. And I think its the first time I've been able to do that. That memory, which produced both good things and bad, made me smile. To know that I am also a memory, and a good one, was reassuring.

Pictures capture our memories so that we can relive them, but sometimes it makes it harder to leave them. But not today. Instead today it brought a smile, and a sense of hope. Hope in knowing that there was just as much good in that memory as bad. Hope in being thankful for a memory that changed my character. I was able to relive that memory, free from the connections of the hurt and pain. And I was even able to find joy in what will be the potential of many new memories, and many good times.

And while that current memory may not be my own, to know that it exists in the life of someone else brings me peace. To see such happiness, well it made me happy.

And really, memories come and fade. They hinder us and help us, break us down and build us up. But when the peace of God transcends the emotional connections of memories that bring us to tears, it creates smiles.

Sweet peace, new hope, heart full.

The Young Fight

I can't remember the last time Jesus really brought me down to my knees, literally. Yet today I realized how much I missed being there, at his feet, completely helpless, admitting no power of my own. Full sovereignty of the God Almighty, shown to a mere mortal like myself, a person who frankly does not deserve to live the blessed life I do. On my knees in a state of pure helplessness and broken pieces.

And it felt so refreshing.

I've been so busy this past week that God has not at all been my household name. I've been to tired to proclaim his name, my eyes have been closing too quickly to read his word, and my heart has been filled with anger, annoyance, and lacked in love.

Ahhhhh, but then came today, as the wind howled outside, the glass windows and white walls of my room creaked and moaned, I fell back into God's lap. He held me like a child as I told him how much I sucked, and how much I was sorry. Good thing he accepts apologies that are neither coherent nor eloquent, because I couldn't really express anything in words.

He told me to read his Word, he told me to "pick up and read" like the children told St. Augustine to do. I ran over towards my Bible, a bit giddy at the thought of finding something exciting and new in a book so old, but yet so forgotten by my soul this week. Opening to 1st John I read verse 9, which coincidentally I had heard just that morning.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I am now made righteous in his sight.

Then I read chapter 2, and verses 12-14 stuck out to me:

"I write to you dear children,

because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.

I write to you, fathers,

because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men,

because you have overcome the evil one.

I write to you, dear children,

because you have known the Father.

I write to you, fathers

because you have known him who is from the beginning.

I write to you, young men,

because you are strong,

and the word of God lives in you,

and you have overcome the evil one."

I wanted to know what was the relation between being "young men" and "overcoming the evil one." And I thought then about how in wars, the most able, young, strong men were called to serve. Children would be too little, and fathers too old. Therefore the "young men" (and women of course) make the most impact, because they are in their prime ages to fight.

So in a battle with the evil one, it is the young men who fight, because they are able too. The children understand the name of the Father, the fathers have wisdom of the ages, but the young men fight. They fight with strength, fervor and passion. They also overcome evil.

And so I sat on my bed and realized that in coming to the foot of God, admitting my sin, and asking for forgiveness, that I was fighting. I was overcoming the evil one. See Satan sits there and hopes that we'll either feel too guilty, too ashamed to come to God with our sin. He throws lies at us that God won't love us unconditionally, and that we instead need to run and hide just like Adam and Eve did in Genesis. But the reality is, that in a battle, you have to stand up and fight to overcome the enemy. If you run away they capture you and you can never find freedom.

So the irony in confessing our sin, is that it's really a fighting technique. And I learned today that when I stand my ground, firmly planted back in the Father, I do win the battle, and I do overcome the evil one.

And praise God for that.

A Greater Joy

"How much greater will I bless you, and how much greater will your joy be" declares the Lord.

Strength found in weakness

Where I am weak, you make me strong.

Let me trust you.

Fuckin' Change

The other day I was rushing like normal, to work. On the way I passed this man sitting on the ground next to a women. Both were homeless, begging for change from the many people passing them by. I saw them of course, but my mind was set on the fact that I was already late. Stopping would take time, and it also meant I had to open my purse, find my wallet, and take out some money.

What an inconvenience.

As I passed by the man he looked straight at me and yelled "Give me your fuckin' change!" Mind you I had my earphones in and my Ipod was on, but there was no ignoring his voice.

I continued walking on right by without even giving him a glance, thinking 1) What right does this man have to treat me like that, and say something like that, and 2) Now I really don't want to give him any money.

A couple steps later I realized what I had just been thinking.

What right does this man have? He has every right. What right do I have to treat him like that? I have none.

So with my pride knocked down by the conviction of the Holy Spirit I reached into my bag, pulled out my wallet and turned around and back down the street.

As I approached him I looked him in the eyes and said "Hey man I'm sorry I ignored you earlier. I was late for work, but you don't deserve to be treated like that. Have a great day."

The man thanked me and smiled, and I continued on to work.

It was completely humbling.